Daily Jokes by E-mail

Funny jokes to brighten your day!

May
23

Driving Home Very Drunk

Posted by admin

It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn’t walk a straight line any more than he could drive one, so the trooper wrote out a ticket and had just given it to the driver before an accident in the opposite lane took his attention to more important matters. The inebriated driver, figuring that the trooper wasn’t coming back to him, drove home and went to bed. he was awakened in the morning by a knock at the door, created by two more state troopers.” Are you Mr. Johnson?” the asked? He admitted that he was.” Were you pulled over at Main Street last night for driving under the influence?” Again, the man admitted that was he.” And what did you do then,” the troopers asked.” The man replied that he drove his car home and went to bed.” Where is your car now?” the troopers enquired. The man answered that it was in the garage.” May we see the car?” asked the troopers. The man answered, “Sure,” and opened the garage. Inside the garage was the state troopers car.

May
22

I Want To Buy That

Posted by admin

A blonde goes into a nearby store and asks a clerk if she can buy the TV in the corner. The clerk looks at her and says that he doesn’t serve blondes, so she goes back home and dyes her hair black. The next day she returns to the store and asks the same thing, and again, the clerk said he doesn’t serve blondes. Frustrated, the blonde goes home and dyes her hair yet again, to a shade of red. Sure that a clerk would sell her the TV this time, she returns and asks a different clerk this time. To her astonishment, this clerk also says that she doesn’t serve blondes. The blonde asks the clerk, “How in the world do you know I am a blonde?” The clerk looks at her disgustedly and says,” That’s not a TV — it’s a microwave!”

May
22

The Owner Of A Small Crossroads Store In South Carolina…

Posted by admin

The owner of a small crossroads store in South Carolina was appointed postmaster. Over six months went by and not one piece of mail left towm. Deeply concerned, postal authorities in Washington wrote the postmaster to inquire why. They received this short and simple explantion: “The bag ain’t full yet.”

May
20

An Elephant…

Posted by admin

An elephant walks up to a naked guy and says, “How do you breathe out of that thing?” Sent by abu dahbi

Mar
22

I’ll Trust You That You Paid

Posted by admin

A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9. 00.” But I paid, don’t you remember?” says the customer. “Okay,” says the bartender, “If you said you paid, you did.” The man then goes outside and tells the first person he sees that the bartender can’t keep track of whether his customers have paid. The second man then rushes in, orders a beer and later pulls the same stunt. The barkeep replies, “If you say you paid, I’ll take your word for it.” Soon the customer goes into the street, sees an old friend, and tells him how to get free drinks. The man hurries into the bar and begins to drink high-balls when, suddenly, the bartender leans over sand says, “You know, a funny thing happened in here tonight. Two men were drinking beer, neither paid and both claimed that they did. The next guy who tries that is going to get punched right in the nose.” “Don’t bother me with your troubles,” the final patron responds. “Just give me my change and I’ll be on my way.”

Mar
22

A Manager Of A Retail Clothing Store Is Reviewing…

Posted by admin

A Manager of a retail clothing store is reviewing a potentialemployee’s application and notices that the man has neverworked in retail before. He says to the man, “For a man with no experience, you arecertainly asking for a high wage.”" Well Sir,” the applicant replies, “the work is so much harderwhen you don’t know what you’redoing!”

Mar
22

There Was A Gorilla Sitting In A Tree By A River…

Posted by admin

There was a gorilla sitting in a tree by a river, when a lioncame by for a cool drink. The gorilla thought to himself, “Howfunny would it be to screw the king of the jungle in the ass?” After a moment or two, the gorilla swung into action. He grabbedthe lion and started pumping away. The lion freaked of course, and jumped into the river. The lion came out of the water, roaring, he was really upset. The gorilla decided that it was a good timeto be somewhere else, and took off running. The gorilla knew he hadto think of something quick because he wasn’t going to outrun the lion. Just then the gorilla saw a hunter’s tent and ducked inside to hide. The hunter, reading the paper, was startled and ran out of the tent. The gorilla decided to pretend to be the hunter, he put on the hunter’sshirt and hat, and started to read the paper. A few minutes later, the lion ran in and thinking it was the hunterreading the paper, said, “Hey Buddy, did you see a gorilla run in here?” From behind the paper The gorilla answered, “You mean the one thatscrewed the lion in the ass?” Flabergasted, the lion said, “Holy Shit! It’s in the paper already?”

Mar
20

This Pill Allows You To Fly

Posted by admin

A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar. As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him. The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, “You sure are mean when you’re drunk, Superman.”

Mar
20

George Costanza’s Tips For Working Hard X

Posted by admin

MOST IMPORTANTLY: DON’T forward any of this to your boss by mistake! !!

Mar
19

Did You Hear About…

Posted by admin

Did you hear about the blonde who took an hour to cook Minute Rice? Did you hear about the blonde who got into the taxi, and the driver kept the “Vacant” sign up? Did you hear about the blonde who was an M. D.–Mentally Deficient? Did you hear about the blonde who thought nitrates were cheaper than day rates? Did you hear about the blonde who after watching the ballerinas, wondered why they didn’t get taller girls? Did you hear about the blonde who went to a nudist camp for a game of strip poker? Did you hear about the blonde who brought her cosmetics with her for a make-up exam?